All The Places I am Not

and before I resume writing my paper for school, because I am sitting at home and have been all day struggling, because I am restless and bored, because I cant concentrate or appreciate the cup of tea beside me, the absolute quiet in my apartment right now, the view of the newly painted manhattan mini storage sign or the sun sort of coming through the window in my kitchen.

Because no one can truly appreciate where they are, I wanted to write an homage to all the places I am not:

Not in an office, all stuffy and gray, struggling to tell a client why they cant have their way.

Not on the street, roaming and sad, with nothing to do but get into something bad.

Not about to give a lecture to a room full of people, all nervous and sick, watching the clock for each ugly tick.

Not in a factory, all stripped of my individuality.

Not in a hospital starting at the ceiling, wondering why I have this terrible feeling.

Not too cold or too warm, or too bold or too forlorn.

Just sitting here, sipping my tea, not in need or absurd or a black eyed me.

Sip, type, sip, type, type, sip.

2 Full Years and We've Never Had a Fight

Thank you to commenter {phalanges} for noting that petri dish is 2 years old!

I didn't realize it myself. April 9, 2006 is when it all began its growth, its amazing. Same Birthday as my brother-in-law on one side and my sister-in-law on the other, its a magical date, there is no doubt.

I had a thought today about something: You know when someone has done a lot for you, like too much for you to ever be able to properly thank them for? Well, how do you balance expressing thanks and praise without it turning into you be indebted to them forever, no matter how much they decide to treat you like crap?

Its a reason to never let anyone do anything for you, really, because you dont want that indebted feeling to weigh on you. And you certainly dont want to let anyone do anything for you who has some weird control issues, or just weird issues that would give them potential to make you feel small. No, you wouldn't do that.

Some people only want to do things for others, so they have the power over them. This is totally foreign to me, because I never really do anything for anyone, but I see it all around me.

Everyone, everyone, everyone, everyone

Everyone is superficial. If you act like you know what you are saying, most people will think that you do. But if you act like you are not sure of what you are saying, most people are not going to pluck your insecure voice out of a crowd and say {I think you have got something there!}

Weak and feeble minded people dont take risks on other people. Most people are weak and feeble minded. They only like people who are already obviously good. They never like someone who is undiscovered. Its smart people who find the value in the words and not only in how they are said. These people are rare, and precious.

But really, really you never know who someone is going to be some day.

Our deepest fear...

I have this habit of trying to make people like me by being so humble that it burns, with loads of self depricating humor and discouting all of my talents, but I am realizing that it does not work. I need the speech below to sink in, its so great:

{Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.}

The above speech by Nelson Mandela was orignally written by Marianne Williamson who is the author of other similar material.