The other day I was trying to explain to someone the epiphany that I had this summer about life and it came out sounding disjointed. So I thought Petri Dish could help me get my thoughts straight about it.
The basic idea is this: I have always thought that there was more to life than there actually is. Something has shifted in me and now I not only consciously think, but really truly feel that THIS IS JUST ALL THERE IS. This may sound like a grim realization but if I can explain to you, it has liberated me in some way.
I had already arrived at the party and I went around asking each person who was there if they thought I should go to the party and if I did decide to go, how best to get there and what would it be like there, what should I wear, what kind of food will they have, will I understand the conversations and jokes and am I even invited. It made no sense.
I always assume people are much more complex and intelligent than they actually are. I assume that they probably have some deep vast bank of organized knowledge and views about the world from all different perspectives. But actually, I am not sure that this is the case.
Everyone clings to a few things, repeats these ideas/concepts, understands new ideas only in relation to what they already know and just keeps floating along trying to stay living and endear themselves to people in some way or another. I think I can handle that.
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who are you?? you are so much a twin of my soul!
ReplyDeletei had a similar experience on a cruise with my family. the trip itself was absurd and over the top. getting drunk in the afternoon in a floating, ten-story TGI Friday's. but when, in my disillusionment, i ended up alone at the front of the boat, still ten stories up, the revelation of the ocean disappeared the nonsense. the revelation there was that the ocean was so enormous and old that, even at 100+ miles per hour, there was no evidence of forward motion. no evidence of progress of any kind. and it was a short leap to understand that no matter what i did - no matter how much noise i made or how many impressions on how many people - none of it could possibly matter. and there was nothing grim about. no darkness. it was nothing but completely liberating because when nothing you do will ever make any kind of noteworthy dent in anything ever, what's to stop you from doing exactly what you want to do, all the time. there's no reason to do anything else.
ReplyDeleteI think I view the world in the reverse from you. I believe that EVERYTHING I do matters. Each of us plays this minute but important role in life's daily events. How we treat others, a word, a smile, a punch... forces them to react to us. In that reaction they in turn affect another and another and so on.
ReplyDeleteIt is true that we are tiny in this universe but that doesn't mean we don't matter, don't count.
For me, the idea of not being able to make a difference (even in the life of one other person) is absurd.
As always, you make me think and I'm glad there lots of people in the word who think differently and can share ideas peacefully.
SIL