Sunday, September 30, 2007

Steps to the River

I am sifting in the dark, the sun is wrapping around the trees and I am hitting my head against the side door to the sky. “Its a great opportunity”, she said and I knew that she was right, but a great opportunity is only a great opportunity if you think it is great. do I? I dont know. I would if you told me about it 3 years ago, but to be in it is smothering me. I always feel stifled from a situation, its one and onlyness, its one sided people who turn to the side and blow away in the breeze of otherness. Nothing has happened, nothing is wrong, but I am not enjoying myself like I should be.

I miss when things were simple and there was not a road ahead of me that leads right into the mouth of the roaring river. I cannot even hear the river from here yet, but just knowing that its white capped angriness swells in the distance makes taking one step forward on a sunny effortless day wreak with sorrow and poison. I cannot possibly do this, get to the river and find a way to emerge without getting very wet or hurt. I cannot possibly do this. I know I will be scratched and maybe even swept away. Do I save myself, or is getting there and getting drenched part of the fun?

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