Thursday, March 8, 2007

Father Figure

I have heard and read a few things on the topic of a young baby looking more like the father than the mother as an evolutionary advantage, in order to convince the father to care for the baby. I have also read that this is just something that mothers tell their husbands as a way to convince the father to take more interest, but that it is all done subconsciously.

Whether the issue is that the baby actually looks like the father, or is just perceived this way, both perspectives are riding on the fact that if someone looks more like you, you take more of an interest in it.

In trying desperately to understand why my own father has a favorite child, it dawned on me. My fathers favorite, that he wont admit to, looks just like him.


1 comment:

  1. I think that "favorite child" simply means that a parent may connect with one child better than another. Maybe this is because that child looks or ACTS like the parent so the child already seems familiar to the parent.

    In effect, the favorite is the one who does what mom/dad wants or acts like mom/dad the most.

    Children grow up with a parental role model who is constantly modeling what appropriate adult behavior is. The child merely copies it until he/she is old enough to be emotionally/behaviorally independent.

    At that point the child may decide to behave differently because they are mature enough to be themselves and not a mere photocopy of someone else.

    Perhaps your sibling is not emotionally mature enough to stand on their own so he/she falls back on copying the parent who modeled the behavior.

    This simply keeps them in a perpetual state of homestasis. Child mirrors parent's behavior and parent rewards child with favoritism. Parent feels satisfied because of ego stroking. Look my child is just like me!

    A good parent will push their child to be himself, think for himself, love himself and believe in himself. Somehow I doubt that this is happening in this situation.

    If you "trying desparately to understand" then it bothers you. But why? You are already thinking for yourself so why envy the copycat who is emotionally childish? Do you really want that kind of relationship with your dad? I hope you continue to remind yourself that it is ok to be you even if that means you think and act differently than those who love you. ;-)