Monday, March 5, 2007

The Illusion of Certainty

The wait is over. It ended sooner than I expected. I was looking forward to a few more weeks of uncertainty. Most people are uncomfortable with uncertainty, but I wanted it. I wanted to float through the streets just proud of myself for having actually gotten my applications in.

Now I know that I have been accepted to two Doctoral programs in Anthropology and not only do I have to worry slightly about deciding which one, but now I have to think about the next six years very very carefully. I was also reminded that I should think about what happens after I receive the degree and what kind of work I want to do.

This is all just too much especially when it is all wrapped up in the arsenic and old lace that is planning a wedding.

I am also having a problem being happy for myself. I am trying to be sensible and think, why celebrate my acceptance, it does not mean anything really because I have years and years of very challenging work ahead of me. I keep repeating to myself the line in the Robert Frost poem “and miles to go before I sleep...”

I suppose the initial uncertainty has given way and I am faced with a deep chasm that is the uncertainty of the rest of life. sigh.


  1. Maya Angelou - "Achievement brings its own anticlimax."

    Albert Camus - "An achievement is a bondage. It obliges one to a higher achievement."

    Zig Ziglar - "It's not the situation, but whether we react (negative) or respond (positive) to the situation that's important."

    Being accepted into these programs IS a tremendous achievement and you should celebrate. But did you achieve for yourself or for others? If for yourself, should you not be fabulously happy/nervous/excited?? Stop being so sensible and allow yourself to feel the emotions. Joy, happiness, self pride, love, are all emotions to be thoroughly and totally breathed in... not cautiously sniffed. ;-)

  2. well said sil.

    you deserve to be happy. you have earned it.

    celebrate every achievement. Big or small. Not just the one at the end.

    This success is just the start of many successes for you.

  3. It's better to have options than to have none isn't it? But it doesn't feel that way sometimes. Sometimes too many options just make your head spin.