Now that my applications are behind me I am in this wonderful, peaceful limbo. All I can do is wait. And during this time of waiting, I can breathe and I can live and do all sorts of silly frivolous things that I have been putting off. It feels good.
First and foremost, I have to find a wedding dress. I oscillate wildly between loving this lacy, shimmery, flowy girly task and resenting it because of the expense, because I will have to succumb to the wedding machine and because it is just not as easy as I thought it would be.
It is difficult because I am not just looking for a dress to make me look pretty and princess like, I am looking for a philosophy. Of course, I am heaping way too much importance on this poor little garment, but that is what I tend to do.
In asking myself what kind of wedding dress I want, I am forced to also ask myself what kind of person I am. Am I sophisticated and straight and long? am I short and fun? am I 1960's or 1920's? am I modern and simple or am I intricate and embellished? I find all of these qualities enticing in a dress and one thing I know that I do not want to be is like everybody else. Although, everyone thinks that to some degree I suppose.
I told Joe that I want the dress to set the mood for the evening and in this case I really think it has the ability to do so. I love fashion and I also hate it, but I am not denying its power. I want to harness that power and wrap it around the hearts of all of my guests and squeeze until they feel the pull of a totally new idea, that they would not have thought of, that they would not have dared do themselves, but that tickles their noses with my feathers and sings.