Today thoughts felt incomplete and scattered. Quietness of mind and reflection have dried up. The garden of my vocabulary is dormant and covered in new blue frost and I cant seem to find the words for the most simple thought these days. I have slept enough, but I feel tired still. I have eaten enough, but want something else anyway. What is it? I want a day off, but they never seem to help, I want dark chocolate and coziness but it gives way to pointlessness.
I walked 40 blocks the other morning in an effort to recreate the invigorating hardship that we faced last winter for the transit strike. I walked to work that week, 40 blocks down and then across the park. But I was a part of something then. A part of a communal struggle, that wasnt so bad after all. But the other morning I was surprised at the lack of people outside, I felt gray and alone and even my ipod could not cheer me up for good.
I know its winter, it happens every year, but every year I think its something else that is causing my imagined hardship. I have bundled up so that I dont feel the cold, but I can still feel it wanting to get in and rob me of everything.